If it isn’t “we” — then happy “me” day!
Originally published for single clients when I owned a matchmaking agency
Valentine’s Day is here, so I’m told. Oh yes, many have reminded me on a daily basis leading up to this day. I’d like to think that I hear so much about that day because, after all, I’m in the business of helping people find love! But the truth is that I remember hearing just as much about that dratted day before love became my career. Back when I was single, I definitely heard the warnings of Valentine Day’s approach more than I would have liked to.
Still now, years into a relationship, I don’t think very kindly of that day. Perhaps the previous years of painful solitude have penetrated my sub-conscious and I’ll never be able to fully enjoy the holiday made for two. The pain I felt was not just from being without a mate on that day — some of the years were spent just as miserable WITH a partner! One year the man in my life forgot. Yet another man in my life (on a different year) took me out for a nice dinner (at the burger joint down the street!) I can’t complain altogether since some of the men I dated over the years were kind enough to say “Happy Valentine’s Day” and even bought me little boxes of chocolate or trinkets. But whatever the end result — it just never measured up to the hype I heard all around me that seemed to set me up for disappointment.
No Valentine’s Day was ever good enough. I wished they would pass without my knowing it. I passionately plotted a conspiracy to abolish Valentine’s Day once and for all. But the hopeless romantics around the world stopped me at every turn. Okay, I admit it. I became the ‘hum-bug-scrooge’ of the red-hearted-holiday.
In spite of my annual disappointment, I was forever optimistic about the next year’s curriculum. Relentlessly I chased the ‘perfect’ Valentine’s Day that would leave me with a contented feeling. It was years before I discovered the truth about this day of the year that tormented me.
In the third or fourth year of my current relationship I remember my partner asking what I’d like to do for Valentine’s day. For the first time in my life, it didn’t really matter. I said something practical like “It doesn’t matter. How about we’ll do dinner on the weekend?”. In retrospect I realize, that must have been the year that I discovered the truth. Since I already “felt” loved, I didn’t need to seek reassurance on just one day of the year. Eureka! It had not been the ‘day of perfect romance’ I sought so many years in a row — just a sign that I was loved!
So what really is Valentine’s Day all about then? It was awful and served to ostracize me when I felt unloved and now it just plain doesn’t mean a whole lot. For all you practical-hum-bug-scrooges out there who agree with me (or just sympathize), please sign the attached petition and we will circulate it worldwide in an attempt to abolish this useless day. Thank you.
P.S. — I’m just joking about the petition of course! In due time love will find its way to each of your doorsteps I’m sure. And then, my hopes are that you too will see just how useless this day really is — for those who feel it in their hearts and express their love regularly. This is my continued wish for each of us.
Meanwhile, don’t hesitate to give yourself permission to feel loved right now. Kudos to those of you who are already doing that!) Forget about society’s nonsensical, obligatory and invisible rule that you must be in a relationship to feel loved. You are fully in control of feeling loved if only you’ll allow yourself the permission to make your own vote count!! If you’re not in a relationship on Valentine’’s Day, make a point of doing something nice for yourself — splurge on a bottle of champagne if only to drink it while watching “The Late Show” in your bathrobe!
Take a long bath and pamper yourself. Order a pizza. Buy yourself a gift — just for being you! However you choose to spend the day just remember that your vote is the one that really matters the most!
~ Pauline Wiser