- Wearing the ‘Mask of Perfection’ impairs your view of others.
- Finding your success means daring to fail.
- Authentic relationships are only possible when the mask of perfection falls away.
You will attract the people in life who resemble whatever you’re putting out in the world. So if you feel it’s necessary to look and seem perfect all the time. Then you’ll attract that kind of person – either in romance or as friends. What are you trying to hide by being so perfect? Maybe you are not as bad as you think. One thing is for sure, that you’ll attract others who are hiding something. Whether it’s something real or something they think is worth hiding.
The whole idea and effort of conveying perfection is like a smokescreen that keeps you from seeing the people in front of you as they are. It also keeps you from being your authentic self. The life you build by using that strategy will be a superficial life. It won’t be satisfying for you. And it will especially suck bad when you – or your partner – starts to get ragged from age or the general stresses of family life.
God forbid that one of you should become disabled or disfigured in any way. The entire structure of beliefs about yourself and your life would require an overhaul in that case — and it won’t be easy. In fact, it would be so difficult that it might lead you to have a nervous breakdown due to the overwhelming conflict between your long-standing identity and your new reality. I say this from experience.
If you start out with perfection, there is really nowhere to go in your relationships but down. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. But it’s not realistic to uphold that image and still be a genuine human being. Something’s gotta give. It’s a failing formula.
When people try to convey “perfection” they become afraid of failure. And because of that fear of failure, they stop taking risks in their lives. Without risk, we don’t get very far. The most successful people in the world got to the top of the ladder by taking major risks. They usually failed dozens, or hundreds, of times on their way to that one successful moment that mattered. With each failure, their identity took a humbling blow. And yet they persisted time and time again until they could claim a reward that most people never know. And so it is, that anything good in life worth having is going to require some risk and probably a good dose of humiliation. If you’re all wrapped up in “looking perfect” then there’s no way at all that you can reach your own mountain-top of success.
“You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partners, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother. You don’t owe it to your children. You don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.Diana Vreeland
On a personal note; I spent my early life trying to look perfect. Never letting anyone see me without makeup or perfectly washed hair… matching outfits with accessories and usually 2-3 outfits per day. It was madness!! When I fell sick at 32, I was forced to change those patterns.
But I discovered something that was quite a relief. I noticed that when I was around men in my simpler appearance, they acted differently — for the better. They started actually listening when I talk instead of planning how to make their move (or impress me with how cool they are).
It was finally possible to develop friendships and take all that sexual-power-struggle out of the way. Yes, it was a blow to my ego not to have men pursuing me with such fervor. But frankly it was quite a relief to focus on myself and my career for a change instead of fighting off the battalion with every move I made.
If you are struggling with the drive for perfection, the cure for this problem is simple. Start – in small doses – to permit yourself the room for error. Allow some imperfections into your life. Try to see around you how people’s imperfections sometimes are the most endearing characteristics about them. Consider the other perfect people around you — are they actually living perfect lives or just playing that role? If you are striving to be like them, maybe their success is more like a ghost that is not even real. Ask yourself why you are competing with ghosts. Look at life from these different angles and it will help you to recover from your compulsion to be perfect.
I wish you luck in this pursuit! Be well. Namasté